First Impressions

They say (who is they, anyway?) that 90% of what you think about another person is determined in the first 90 seconds we meet them.  I was at a networking event last night and encountered a handshake that everyone dreads...The Linger-er.  You know, the person who keeps shaking your hand after you've both been introduced, or simply holds on staring into your eyes for more than is humanly comfortable.  You're not Jack and I'm not Rose and we did not just survive the sinking of the Titanic, and I want to let go.  Two to four shakes, people, and then it's over.

I shake people's hands all day, every day.  This experience last night got me to thinking about all the BAD types of handshakes I encounter so often, in my career and everyday life.  One of my first classes in college at Syracuse had a crash course on how to correctly and properly shake someone's hand.  It baffles me that people don't know this basic skill.  I guess that's what $40,000 a year in tuition gets you.  Thank God I have life skills.

Here's a breakdown of a few of the bad and the ugly types of "shakers"
(you know you've experienced them, too!):

The Germ-a-phobe's Knuckle Bump:  This is not the basement of your fraternity house.  NOT appropriate in business settings.  If you're that afraid of a common cold, work from home.

The Waist Height Five - Like a high five, but ends in a handshake.  So weird when it makes a noise.  Also makes me feel like I'm in a gang, or kickin' it with Vanilla Ice in the 90's.

Dead Fish - This is my biggest pet peeve.  If you can't put in the effort to hold a grip, don't bother.  It feels gross and instantly makes me think you are a dead fish in other areas of life.  ;)

The Bone Crusher - Opposite of the Dead Fish, there's the bone crusher.  If people wince when they shake your hand, it's usually a sign you're giving it too much gusto.  Lay off the 'Roids, dude.  (Once this happened to me and the Crusher was female.  Stop trying to overcompensate, hunny.)

The Slimy Salesman/Politician - When someone shakes your hand with one hand and places their other hand either on top of it, or on your arm.  This can make you feel trapped, like an animal in a cage you can't get out of.  This person is almost always trying to convince you to do or buy or believe something.  Do not trust anyone who shakes hands like this!  Not right away, at least.

Sweaty McSweaterson - GROSS.  Wipe your hands before you know you will be touching people.  I don't want to exchange bodily fluids with you, I just want to show you my Ballroom space.

The Non-Shaker - This is the person whom you extend your hand to, and they just look at you like a deer in headlights.  I don't understand these people...you work in a professional setting, has this situation NEVER happened in your life, that you can't pick up on the social cues that I am looking for a handshake?  Or are you just that weird or rude?!

The Hugger/Kisser - There's always that one guy or girl in a group who pulls you in for a little more, a little something extra.  The kissing thing is cultural, and I get it.  When it does trip me up is, how do you know how many kisses to extend?  Is it one, two, or three?  Sometimes, in the transition, there's an awkward moment where you're face to face and one of you has your lips puckered.  It's like a bad first date.  

The Claw - This occurs when the person molds their hand into a little claw (thumbs and fingers all touching) and goes inside of your hand versus grasping it.  Very awkward and weird.  And creepy.  Creepy Claw.

The Twister - When someone takes your hand an yanks it one way or another.  Where are you trying to go?  Just ask me and I'll take you, you don't have to lead with my hand.

All you need is a firm, natural feeling grip, two to four shakes, and eye contact.  Let's not make this weird people!  Everyone try it.