Pieces of Me

1. I'm terrified of the fact that I’m almost 30 years old and still have no idea what I want to do with my life.  I just want to be happy, and I am.  I’m starting to think that’s all that matters.  Mom was right!
2. One of the best times of my life was also one of the worst - moving my best friend Courtney out to L.A. for grad school. The road trip was amazing...the end result was a broken heart.  But I’ve learned that there are just some people in your life who will always be there, no matter how much you or the other person change or go through.  Some people just have lifetime bonds.  And you have to cherish that. 
3. I have 2 tattoos and one was the result of an Adult Spring Break trip with my best friend Matt to South Padre Island.  At age 27.
4. Once every 3 or 4 months, I get an almost irresistible urge to just pack up and move from DC.  Currently Vegas is sounding better and better…

5. My life really hasn't turned out to be anything that I thought it would, and I'm still coming to terms with that.
6. I don't like wearing shoes.
7. I don't really like chocolate.
8. I enjoy applying quotes and song lyrics to my life.
9. My biggest fear besides heights and spiders is disappointing myself. And others.
10. I can't stand when people talk incessantly about themselves or others. Or when you can tell that they are not listening and just thinking of what they are going to say next. 
11. I really have no desire to go back to school.
12. I love everything pink.
13. I have never minded being "that girl".
14. If I could go back to high school and college I would have stayed single.
15. I respect all people's religious and political beliefs – and I expect the same in return.
16. I've started to accept that I may never find the perfect job, but I have found one that is pretty close to perfect for me!
17. I have always been and always will be a FLIRT. 
18. I have found the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with, and there is truly nothing better than knowing that.  I’ve paid my dues in the dating game.
19. One superpower I would have would be flying – so that I could see all of my friends near and far, whenever I wanted to. 
20. I don't really care about name brands. I'd rather buy lots of trendy pieces to play with than one nice piece that I will just inevitably ruin with my clumsiness.
21. My phone is a piece of crap Samsung and I have two Ipods that I have no idea how to use. 

22. I keep in touch with almost all of my ex's.
23. I pay all of my own bills and have for a long time.  I also put myself through college using loans, grants, and scholarships.  And I’m STILL working two jobs to pay it off.
24. I usually have more fun when I am not drinking, although it's fun to indulge now and then.
25. I LOVE COCONUT and PICKLES and OLIVES!!!!
26. I've learned how to stay far removed from other people's drama and hang-ups. And it is liberating!
27. I learn something new everyday.  Literally.

28. I can be fully functional on 4 hours of sleep.  Hopefully this comes in handy during my child rearing years. 
29. I truly believe I have a second calling as a wedding singer.
30. I try to give compliments or do something nice for at least 5 people each day.  They say it takes 16 compliments for a person to forget one negative comment.  I believe in the idea that every person you encounter every day has their own personal battle they are fighting.  And maybe one nice gesture can completely change the course of their day. 

31. Sometimes I still just want my Mom and Dad.
32. I still get excited every time I see Courtney on TV.

33. I still call my Mom when I go grocery shopping, hoping she can differentiate between cabbage and lettuce over the phone for me. 

34. I never knew how much you could love another human being until I met each of my nephews. 

35. I have complete, one-way, full circle conversations with my dog.

36. After 27 years and a LOT of mistakes, it is still really hard for me to sincerely say the words “I’m sorry”. 

37. The “planner” in me has my entire wedding planned out.  But secretly I’m worried that when it actually happens I am going to have NO IDEA what I want!
38. Nothing means more to me than friends and family.  Nothing.  Not cars, money, houses, clothes, shoes, handbags, power trips, ego trips, job titles, etc.  None of those things can keep you warm at night, take care of you when you’re sick, lift you up when you’re feeling down, support you through good times and bad.

39. I only wash my jeans a few times a month.

40. Yeah, I enjoy watching sports.  But I’m not one of those girls that pretends to really care.  It’s fun.  But, I’m not going to draft a fantasy football team or memorize stats. 

41. I got my thoughtfulness from my Mom and my stubbornness from my Dad, and I wouldn’t trade either traits for anything, even though sometimes they both can bite me in the ass.  

42. I count my blessings every day that I was raised in a small town.  This is opposite of how I felt growing up – I couldn’t wait to get out.  Now, I can’t wait to go back.

43. The most comforting smell to me is fall – crisp, cool air, crushed leaves, apples.  Smells like HOME.

A Part of Me I Never Want To Lose

Just found a Keri Noble song called "Piece of my Heart" and can't get the lyrics out of my head.  Makes me miss all of my friends far away...sending some love to Ashley Bolton, Ashley Cleary, Matt Kennedy, Andrew Pontti, and Courtney Kabot on this gross, humid, rainy day!

~Driving down the highway saying goodbye to it all
In between the blues and greens we're following the call
That takes us so far away from summer's sunny days
You know I'm missing you already and I can still see your face

Sitting underneath the stars with a cold beer and old friends
Talking 'til the sun comes up and then we'd do it again
Well you've become a part of me that I never want to lose
Until we come back together you know I'll be missing you

I can hear us laughing
I remember every part
I've got everything we ever did
It's tattooed on my heart
But there's a colder wind coming in
And blowing us apart
Until the summer brings us back,
You know you got a piece of my heart

Watching your taillights fading out of my sight
Feeling like the sun just lost a little bit of its light
But you've left your memories to linger, new memories to start
'Til the summer brings you back, you know you got a piece of my heart~

Weather for Ducks

My Irish co-worker Susan is no shortage of funny expressions.  As we came up from lunch today we saw the gray skies, the pouring rain, the wet gloominess lurking outside of the hotel, to which Susan said in her bubbly Irish-accented voice, "This is wedder for ducks!"  This was a new one for me - I've gotten used to most of Susan's unique expressions.  For example, "For four cups" basically means for f***'s sake, two thirty is pronounced "two turd-ey", and anytime someone wears pink she says "OOoooh, pink to make the boys wink!" 

Anyways, getting back to the weather.  It is disgusting out today - raining cats and dogs.  I cannot describe the sense of anxiety that comes over any 9-5'er in DC when they look out the window in the morning and see it's raining.  It is a guarantee that you will be late for work, no matter how early you leave.  People in the DC, MD and VA metro-area (DMV for short) simply FORGET how to drive when anything as small as a single rain drop falls from the sky.  Rain, snow, wind - forget it.  People slam on their breaks when they hit puddles, don't drive with their headlights on (illegal here in inclement weather, BTW), and anything else you can think of that goes against not only common sense but is against the law.  I call Virginia the "me-first" state - everywhere you go, whether it's in line at the store and you get cut or when someone cuts you off in traffic, there is SOMEONE who has got to get where they are going faster than you.

Other fascinating observations about the DMV area, in no particular order, are:

*This city is pretty well protected from the recession.  Most likely because of the area's business structure being reliant on the government.  Even though the government is all but shut down for the entire summer, the month of December, and whenever a tourist leaves a black backpack at the Capitol Building. 

*Everyone here has some sort of cause or agenda, and they have no problem shoving it in your face. 

*Lots of people here also seem to feed and thrive off power and power trips.  In general, people here take themselves WAY too seriously.  I was working a Mardi Gras party at Bailey's a few years back, and a reporter from "On Tap Magazine" (a small, bar industry focused publication) was covering the party and taking photos of attendees.  One guy that couldn't be older than 22 got into a huge altercation with the guy because he "works in politics, I can't have my picture posted anywhere."  Get over yourself, dude. First, you're a $20K junior Hill staffer that nobody knows, and second, if any one of your peers on the Hill are reading "On Tap Magazine", I'm assuming they won't judge you, since they clearly have the same interests.  

*For all of the rude people I gripe about on this blog, I will say this - 95% of the homeless and panhandlers I encounter in this city are not only polite, but also Christians. 

*It is entirely acceptable for anyone who lives here, whether you are from the South or not, to say ya'll.

*Every single human and dog living in the DMV either runs or rides a bike.  Well, maybe the dogs just run.  But DC is an extremely active city.  Which is crazy because it is also one of the cities in the country where people work harder and longer and also wait until their 30's to settle and get married.  Yet everyone makes time for physical fitness. 

*Dating in DC, for women at least, is close to unbearable.  Any of my female friends living here can tell you that.  The first problem is that there aren't enough single men to go around here.  For every 100 single women there are about 92 single men, although that doesn't include the scumbags who are more than happy to cheat on their wives while she's sleeping with the personal trainer you're paying for.  But that's another story for another time and place.  When you finally do scrounge up a single guy, it seems they are almost always flawed - inflated egos, too much testosterone, commitment-phobes, you name it.  I literally refer to the period of time that I was single and dating while living here as "paying my dues", and I count my blessings every day that I found a normal Arlington local amongst the freaks.   

*The weirdest thing about DC is this: we do not have seasons.  They refer to it as a season, although growing up in New England I know what real seasons are.  They are gradual changes and shifts in air temperature and climate.  I remember one Columbus Day weekend I was on my roommate's boat on the Potomac because it was 95 degrees, and last year it was freezing and raining the entire weekend.  Just two weeks ago the air temperature had finally cooled to a "chilly" 50 degrees - then it soars back into the 80's again for two weeks.  It is hard to experience "Fall" here, which is my favorite season. 

* Don't even get me started on snow.  I grew up in Maine and attended Syracuse University.  I know snow.  It seems that nobody here knows the slightest thing about snow.  No, it is not OK to drive 60 MPH in it because you drive an SUV.  No, laying down salt on top of snow piles does nothing - salt is intended to protect roadways from ICE people.  ICE.  And just a tip, if you get stuck in the snow, flooring the gas pedal is only going to get you stuck in deeper.  People here also push their windshield wipers up off their windshields before a big storm.  It is so weird to pull into a parking lot and see all of these cars with their wipers sticking straight up in the air.  My boyfriend explained to me that this is so "they don't get stuck".  Well, if there is that much ice on your windshield you would need to scrape it off anyways, right?  Thus freeing the "stuck" wipers?  No, because the preferred method of clearing ice off your windshield is spraying all of your antifreeze and turning on the wipers really fast.  God forbid you own a shovel or an ice scraper.  During the Snowmaggedon storm last year, stores were using ticket systems like at the DMV for people to buy shovels.  There was actually a one per person limit.  Stores were completely wiped out of bread, milk, eggs, toilet paper, and beer.  Beer, I can understand.  No one has to work so why not get hammered?  But the other stuff, really?  What are you going to do, make tons of French toast and then use the bathroom?

Weather for ducks, for sure.  But at least birds are smart enough to fly South for the winter. 

Don't Stand So Close To Me

I'm not embarrassed to say that I am a huge Police fan.  And if you know me well enough you know I am not referring to those who vow to "protect and serve".  I'm talking about the English rock band featuring Sting, Andy Summers and Stewart Copeland.  "Every Little Thing She Does is Magic"...I cannot hear that song and not shimmy around.  But I digress.

This morning I was attempting to exit the elevator at my place of employment.  I work at a hotel in downtown DC, thus I encounter massive amounts of tourists every day.  It's amazing to observe their lost looks and how, despite being surrounded by people who function in this crowded city every day, they lack the simple ability to follow social cues.  Back to this morning, as my example.  If you are trying to get onto an elevator, you first have to let the people on it off.  This should be common sense.  I think it is to most people who ride elevators on a semi-regular basis.  As I rode up to the hotel lobby, exhausted from my 5am boot camp session and without my first cup of coffee, the doors open and an entire family of 7 people from the Midwest, including aunts, uncles and grandma, are standing blocking the door so that I cannot exit.  Not maliciously, just utterly clueless.  I smile and say loudly "Excuse me" and the father of this clan pushes on past me and they all follow suit, blocking my way even further as Grandma and all of the kids with their leashes disguised as cute animal backpacks start to pile on.  Flustered and in a full on social anxiety moment I sigh loudly and say, "Excuse me, I need to get off please" and end up hip checking a 7 year old boy with a ridiculous looking Mohawk.  Good morning. 

This experience made me start thinking about pet peeves.  You know, those things that are only minor-ly annoying to most people but that drive you absolutely bonkers.  I figured it might be fun to share some of mine.

When you're riding in an elevator with two doors on either side, and 95% of the people riding it know which door is going to open and they all face that door.  Then you have that one Dbag who is turned the opposite direction and staring you right in the face the whole time.

People who do not understand the concept of walk left, stand right on escalators. 

People who talk loudly on public transportation, especially in the morning. 

When someone stands and looks over my shoulder at what I'm doing. 

A person who invades my "bubble" of private space.  There is nothing worse than being in line at the grocery store, the bank, Starbucks, and having some guy with morning breath breathing on your neck and standing so closely you can hear his boogers whistling in his nose.  UCK.  Don't stand, don't stand so, don't stand so close to me!

Getting tailgated.  This usually ends in me laying on the brakes and then unleashing a string of curse words in your direction, despite the fact that I almost caused an accident to "teach you a lesson". 

Loud chewers.

Parents who baby talk to their children.  Or to each other.  Excessive us eof pet names are disturbing. 

When people say they are "trying" to get pregnant.  I don't want to think about what that entails.  Also, men who refer to it as "we're pregnant."  Really?  YOU'RE pregnant?  Highly unlikely.  You contrinuted a single sperm to that process.  The woman is the one that gets her body invaded and destroyed for over 9 months and eventually pushes that thing out. 

When someone texts you and you call them right back, and they don't answer.  I know you're looking at your phone a-hole.  Except that I do this often since I hate talking on the phone. 

To completely contradict my prior peeve, people who don't understand cell phone etiquette.  Just because you CAN be reached at all hours of the day and are connected to email and Facebook 24/7, doesn't mean you NEED to be.  Turning off your phone every once in a while is liberating.  As Spencer from MTV's The Hills would say, "Unplug from the Matrix".  It's a Catch 22.

Children on leashes.  I generally find the parents of said children are obese, and probably have a hard time catching up to their kids, thus the corralling device designed to look like a cute animal backpack.

Dog owners who do not clean up after their dogs.  It sucks, but it's necessary. 

When someone tells you that you look tired.  Or, they tell you to "smile" or "you look like you're having a bad day".  Thanks, I probably am.  Let's not dwell on it.  I'ma  genrally upbeat person.  If I feel like smiling, I will. 

People who misuse "there", "their", and "they're". 

People who text in abbreviations.  Ex: "R u going to the mall? Wht tme?  Checkin 4 u!"  Use your damn words.

People who don't say please, thank you, and you're welcome. 

One of my biggest peeves is when someone walking ahead of you blatantly drops a door on you.  This once caused me to get into a blowout fight with a soccer mom at a Bethesda Starbucks.  More on that later. 

In general, be polite.  Use your brain.  Common sense is a virtue, just like patience.  I'm working on the patience part. :)

Dudes in Brown Flip Flops

There's a YouTube video that went viral over a year ago called "The Arlington Rap".  It targets the preppy, rude, socially unaware, ridiculous people who frequent the Clarendon area of Arlington, where I work on weekends.  One particularly hilarious part of it points out that all dudes in Arlington wear brown flip flops (true).  During any given shift, I can do a lap around the bar and count AT LEAST 20 guys with the same pair of brown Rainbow flip flops.   


I like my job, and the people I work with.  I choose to work shifts at the bar to make extra cash, so I can pay off school and build my personal savings.  Yet, I am never surprised by the amount of inconsiderate assholes that I encounter while working there.  Today was no exception.


I waited on a group of 22 year olds today.  How do I know their ages?  Because when they ordered pitchers of beer, I ID'ed every single one of them.  They gave the classic line that is one of my biggest pet peeves: "Huh, well, we already HAVE drinks."  To which I politely said "Yes, which you didn't order from me, so if you wouldn't mind..."  I ONLY have to have this kind of a conversation with someone under the age of 25.  Maybe it's that they have only been able to drink for a year and they don't know how this whole thing works.  Either way, nothing drives me crazier than people who get annoyed when they get ID'ed.  As a waitress I am ultimately responsible for responsible service, meaning if I get caught serving someone underage, not only do I risk losing my job and a $5,000 fine, but I could go to jail and have furnishing alcohol to a minor on my permanent record.  So yes, I'm going to need to see your ID.


After getting their first round of drinks I let them chat for a while.  One of the guys motioned me over.  Here's a snapshot of what went down next:
Me: You guys ready to order? (smile)
The Waver Overer: Uhhh...yeah, are you guys like ready?
Douchebag #1: Uh yeah man, I'm good to go.
Skinny Bitch #1: I'm not getting food.
Douchebag #2: I haven't even looked, uhhh...
Skinny Bitch #2, telling a story OVER me the entire time:  Blah blah blah....
Douchebag #3: I kind of wanted to hear Katie's story. (Looks at me) Could you like, come back later?
Me: (smile fades) Uh huh. 


Manners are defined as the unenforced standards of conduct which demonstrate that a person is proper, polite, and refined. They are like laws in that they codify or set a standard for human behavior, but they are unlike laws in that there is no formal system for punishing transgressions, other than social disapproval. They are a kind of norm. What is considered "mannerly" is highly susceptible to change with time, geographical location, social stratum, occasion, and other factors.


Am I the only person who sees how rude this is?  Sometimes I get so frustrated with the sense of entitlement that young 20 somethings walk around this town with.  It's something I've never experienced - I was raised in Maine, went to school in Upstate New York, lived in Florida (briefly) and then settled here in this area.  The unfortunate thing is that I don't think it is necessarily a trait of people raised in this area - this city is a suitcase city and I date a "local".  He nor his friends are nothing like this.  Where does this come from?  How do people lose their awareness of social norms to the point where they are just so blatantly inconsiderate?  Like when you're on a date and your date is glued to his BlackBerry or Droid.  Or when you're in a business meeting and someone answers their phone right in the middle of you answering one of their questions.  Better yet, like some of my brides who INSIST on setting up weekend appointments that cut into my free time and then no show to them.  Maybe it's that we live in a digital age and we expect things instantly.  Maybe this digital age has disconnected us from face to face communications to the point that we don't know how to conduct ourselves.  


All I know is that I stood at the hostess stand for a solid ten minutes and chatted with my friend J while this table watched and impatiently tried to signal me over.  I ignored them.  When I finally sauntered over to the table Skinny Bitch #2 said: "Um, we've been ready to order!!"  To which I said:"I'm sorry, my friend was finishing his story."  


:)       

Just the Beginning

People tell me I should write a book about my experiences all the time.  I'm the girl that always has a story.  I fill awkward silences and entertain friends and strangers alike.  I love making people laugh and telling stories that have either a punch line or some shock value.  I also love sharing my insight on life and my philosophies with people.  That is why I decided to start this blog.  Maybe it's just to entertain myself.  Maybe it's a distraction from my daily duties and responsibilities.  Maybe I will be the only person to read it.  Either way, this is my story.  Thank you for reading it.