My Irish co-worker Susan is no shortage of funny expressions. As we came up from lunch today we saw the gray skies, the pouring rain, the wet gloominess lurking outside of the hotel, to which Susan said in her bubbly Irish-accented voice, "This is wedder for ducks!" This was a new one for me - I've gotten used to most of Susan's unique expressions. For example, "For four cups" basically means for f***'s sake, two thirty is pronounced "two turd-ey", and anytime someone wears pink she says "OOoooh, pink to make the boys wink!"
Anyways, getting back to the weather. It is disgusting out today - raining cats and dogs. I cannot describe the sense of anxiety that comes over any 9-5'er in DC when they look out the window in the morning and see it's raining. It is a guarantee that you will be late for work, no matter how early you leave. People in the DC, MD and VA metro-area (DMV for short) simply FORGET how to drive when anything as small as a single rain drop falls from the sky. Rain, snow, wind - forget it. People slam on their breaks when they hit puddles, don't drive with their headlights on (illegal here in inclement weather, BTW), and anything else you can think of that goes against not only common sense but is against the law. I call Virginia the "me-first" state - everywhere you go, whether it's in line at the store and you get cut or when someone cuts you off in traffic, there is SOMEONE who has got to get where they are going faster than you.
Other fascinating observations about the DMV area, in no particular order, are:
*This city is pretty well protected from the recession. Most likely because of the area's business structure being reliant on the government. Even though the government is all but shut down for the entire summer, the month of December, and whenever a tourist leaves a black backpack at the Capitol Building.
*Everyone here has some sort of cause or agenda, and they have no problem shoving it in your face.
*Lots of people here also seem to feed and thrive off power and power trips. In general, people here take themselves WAY too seriously. I was working a Mardi Gras party at Bailey's a few years back, and a reporter from "On Tap Magazine" (a small, bar industry focused publication) was covering the party and taking photos of attendees. One guy that couldn't be older than 22 got into a huge altercation with the guy because he "works in politics, I can't have my picture posted anywhere." Get over yourself, dude. First, you're a $20K junior Hill staffer that nobody knows, and second, if any one of your peers on the Hill are reading "On Tap Magazine", I'm assuming they won't judge you, since they clearly have the same interests.
*For all of the rude people I gripe about on this blog, I will say this - 95% of the homeless and panhandlers I encounter in this city are not only polite, but also Christians.
*It is entirely acceptable for anyone who lives here, whether you are from the South or not, to say ya'll.
*Every single human and dog living in the DMV either runs or rides a bike. Well, maybe the dogs just run. But DC is an extremely active city. Which is crazy because it is also one of the cities in the country where people work harder and longer and also wait until their 30's to settle and get married. Yet everyone makes time for physical fitness.
*Dating in DC, for women at least, is close to unbearable. Any of my female friends living here can tell you that. The first problem is that there aren't enough single men to go around here. For every 100 single women there are about 92 single men, although that doesn't include the scumbags who are more than happy to cheat on their wives while she's sleeping with the personal trainer you're paying for. But that's another story for another time and place. When you finally do scrounge up a single guy, it seems they are almost always flawed - inflated egos, too much testosterone, commitment-phobes, you name it. I literally refer to the period of time that I was single and dating while living here as "paying my dues", and I count my blessings every day that I found a normal Arlington local amongst the freaks.
*The weirdest thing about DC is this: we do not have seasons. They refer to it as a season, although growing up in New England I know what real seasons are. They are gradual changes and shifts in air temperature and climate. I remember one Columbus Day weekend I was on my roommate's boat on the Potomac because it was 95 degrees, and last year it was freezing and raining the entire weekend. Just two weeks ago the air temperature had finally cooled to a "chilly" 50 degrees - then it soars back into the 80's again for two weeks. It is hard to experience "Fall" here, which is my favorite season.
* Don't even get me started on snow. I grew up in Maine and attended Syracuse University. I know snow. It seems that nobody here knows the slightest thing about snow. No, it is not OK to drive 60 MPH in it because you drive an SUV. No, laying down salt on top of snow piles does nothing - salt is intended to protect roadways from ICE people. ICE. And just a tip, if you get stuck in the snow, flooring the gas pedal is only going to get you stuck in deeper. People here also push their windshield wipers up off their windshields before a big storm. It is so weird to pull into a parking lot and see all of these cars with their wipers sticking straight up in the air. My boyfriend explained to me that this is so "they don't get stuck". Well, if there is that much ice on your windshield you would need to scrape it off anyways, right? Thus freeing the "stuck" wipers? No, because the preferred method of clearing ice off your windshield is spraying all of your antifreeze and turning on the wipers really fast. God forbid you own a shovel or an ice scraper. During the Snowmaggedon storm last year, stores were using ticket systems like at the DMV for people to buy shovels. There was actually a one per person limit. Stores were completely wiped out of bread, milk, eggs, toilet paper, and beer. Beer, I can understand. No one has to work so why not get hammered? But the other stuff, really? What are you going to do, make tons of French toast and then use the bathroom?
Weather for ducks, for sure. But at least birds are smart enough to fly South for the winter.
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