It's a RUFF Life...

I've been slacking on my blogging for a little over a year now.  All of my friends tell me that I have such good stories, I really should have at least ONE blog-worthy happening in my life each week.  Between my insane clients, kooky coworkers, a never-ending string of bad luck and wild friends I certainly have enough fodder to continue on through the Blogosphere.  That said, today we are going to explore a typical day in the life of one of my favorite people...my dog, Mixson Lawrence Harry Kaas.

For those of you that have had the pleasure of meeting Mixson, you know why I refer to him as one of my favorite PEOPLE.  He has a distinct personality.  It's almost one of a college student, or frat boy.  For example, I see a day in the life of Mixson going something like this...

"Today, I woke up from a long slumber, and I was thirsty.  Since it was my birthday, I treated myself to a morning cocktail before Mom & Dad woke up.

After my breakfast drink, Mom was awake and the birthday embarrassment began.  

Once Mom left for work, it was Dad and I's day to play!

We did a lot of exciting things, including going for a ride in his truck...

Watching movies with my cousins...

And taking a much needed NAP...

Dad woke up on the wrong side of the bed, so I attempted an at home meditation ritual known in the human world as an "exorcism" - 

Needless to say, after a long day I like to kick back on the couch, watch some TV and drink a cold beer.

After catching up on all of my shows, including Toddlers and Tiaras and Teen Mom, it was time for dinner.

...And some after dinner Facebooking...

Once Mom got home from work, the humiliation started all over again with her dressing me up in various outfits....

I have to say, it's a ruff life for a dog in the St. Peter-Kaas household.  I'm beat!"

I Got Jokes

I love a good prank.  When my sister and I were younger (and bored, considering we grew up in the middle of nowhere in Maine), we would always play tricks on our unsuspecting parents.  We put vinegar in my Dad's beer cans, wrote "REDRUM" on his forehead when he fell asleep on the couch in red lipstick, and once stole a "Bump" road sign and changed the "B" to an "H" and set it up on their bed.  I'm sure we drove them nuts, but completely entertained ourselves - we thought we were pretty funny.  I won't even mention some of the awful prank calls we used to make.

In more recent (and what are supposed to be my adult) years, I've enjoyed playing pranks on coworkers, friends, and boyfriends.  I once drafted a fake letter to an ex that was about 32 at the time we dated, saying that someone had nominated him for a local magazine's "30 Bachelors' over 30" spread and that he needed to fill out a questionairre and send a headshot.  He kept asking me over and over if it was me, which I adamantly denied.  I don't know what was funnier - him thinking someone else would actually nominate him, or when he asked me if I could take some pictures of him to send in.  He was NOT attractive.  Just sayin'.

Once I got deeply wronged by I guy I'd only been dating for about 2 months, but it still stung.  Yet, the sting I felt was most likely trumped by the shock he received when he got a message 2 months later stating that I had pissed in his shampoo bottle.  That was a mean one, but he was a jerk.

My boyfriend of 3 years, Chris, is the sweetest, most unsuspecting of them all.  For April Fools' this year, I wrote a fake eviction notice from our leasing office due to "excessive complaints of disturbance" from our dog Mixson.  The look on his face was so priceless when he thought we were getting kicked out of the apartment.  Don't worry, I didn't let it go on for too long.  He loves that dog more than me, some days.  :)

This is just a recent example of what Chris has to endure by dating me.  Enjoy!

 

First Impressions

They say (who is they, anyway?) that 90% of what you think about another person is determined in the first 90 seconds we meet them.  I was at a networking event last night and encountered a handshake that everyone dreads...The Linger-er.  You know, the person who keeps shaking your hand after you've both been introduced, or simply holds on staring into your eyes for more than is humanly comfortable.  You're not Jack and I'm not Rose and we did not just survive the sinking of the Titanic, and I want to let go.  Two to four shakes, people, and then it's over.

I shake people's hands all day, every day.  This experience last night got me to thinking about all the BAD types of handshakes I encounter so often, in my career and everyday life.  One of my first classes in college at Syracuse had a crash course on how to correctly and properly shake someone's hand.  It baffles me that people don't know this basic skill.  I guess that's what $40,000 a year in tuition gets you.  Thank God I have life skills.

Here's a breakdown of a few of the bad and the ugly types of "shakers"
(you know you've experienced them, too!):

The Germ-a-phobe's Knuckle Bump:  This is not the basement of your fraternity house.  NOT appropriate in business settings.  If you're that afraid of a common cold, work from home.

The Waist Height Five - Like a high five, but ends in a handshake.  So weird when it makes a noise.  Also makes me feel like I'm in a gang, or kickin' it with Vanilla Ice in the 90's.

Dead Fish - This is my biggest pet peeve.  If you can't put in the effort to hold a grip, don't bother.  It feels gross and instantly makes me think you are a dead fish in other areas of life.  ;)

The Bone Crusher - Opposite of the Dead Fish, there's the bone crusher.  If people wince when they shake your hand, it's usually a sign you're giving it too much gusto.  Lay off the 'Roids, dude.  (Once this happened to me and the Crusher was female.  Stop trying to overcompensate, hunny.)

The Slimy Salesman/Politician - When someone shakes your hand with one hand and places their other hand either on top of it, or on your arm.  This can make you feel trapped, like an animal in a cage you can't get out of.  This person is almost always trying to convince you to do or buy or believe something.  Do not trust anyone who shakes hands like this!  Not right away, at least.

Sweaty McSweaterson - GROSS.  Wipe your hands before you know you will be touching people.  I don't want to exchange bodily fluids with you, I just want to show you my Ballroom space.

The Non-Shaker - This is the person whom you extend your hand to, and they just look at you like a deer in headlights.  I don't understand these people...you work in a professional setting, has this situation NEVER happened in your life, that you can't pick up on the social cues that I am looking for a handshake?  Or are you just that weird or rude?!

The Hugger/Kisser - There's always that one guy or girl in a group who pulls you in for a little more, a little something extra.  The kissing thing is cultural, and I get it.  When it does trip me up is, how do you know how many kisses to extend?  Is it one, two, or three?  Sometimes, in the transition, there's an awkward moment where you're face to face and one of you has your lips puckered.  It's like a bad first date.  

The Claw - This occurs when the person molds their hand into a little claw (thumbs and fingers all touching) and goes inside of your hand versus grasping it.  Very awkward and weird.  And creepy.  Creepy Claw.

The Twister - When someone takes your hand an yanks it one way or another.  Where are you trying to go?  Just ask me and I'll take you, you don't have to lead with my hand.

All you need is a firm, natural feeling grip, two to four shakes, and eye contact.  Let's not make this weird people!  Everyone try it.    

Making the Cut

Recently, I adopted an attitude that I was going to “cut the fat” in my life.  For example, working a second job was too much of a strain on my emotions and anxiety levels, so I cut that loose.  Now I have more free time to spend with friends.  That was the second part of my resolution – to take inventory of my life and to continue to nurture the relationships that matter, and to forget the ones that don’t.  I’ve always talked to my parents almost everyday; I make it a point to call my Grandmother once a week; I plan more “us” time for me and my boyfriend to enjoy each other’s company; I write to and call my more distant family members more often; I’ve spent time searching for and have found a church where I feel I can improve my relationship with God; I am constantly reaching out to friends to set up time to spend together.  Lately though, I’ve gotten the feeling that I am consistently the one reaching out to certain friends, and it is not reciprocated.  This begs the question - Is there such a thing as a one-sided friendship? 

Google the topic and you’ll find numerous blogs and articles providing advice about one-sided friends.  The tough thing about these situations is that there is no black and white.  There are so many different forms of friendship and types of people.  Some people are just bad at “keeping in touch”, but it doesn’t mean they don’t care about you or value you as a friend.  People are complex and have their own sets of emotions and hang-ups.  Some people are just “so busy”.  This is the world we live in – if you’re not first, your last.  But then again, how long do we make excuses for these types of people?  Everyone is busy; people work two jobs to pay off school, or have elderly parents who need caring for, or work full-time and have kids, or are full time stay at home parents, or are in aggressive graduate school programs, or are investing time in a new significant other.  But guess what?  The important thing is that you make time for the people that make you feel better about you being you, and who bring something special into your life.  And when you start to feel that you may not be close to the top of another person’s priority list, if even on it at all, there is no “right or wrong” way to deal with that feeling. 

Friendships come in every shape, size and color, just as the people who exist within them do.  We all have different kinds of friendships – there are the friends that are unconditional, that know your deepest, darkest secrets, and love you even more for them.  Friends you see all the time or who lives 1,500 miles away.  It doesn’t change your bond with them and it is likely that nothing ever will.  These friends may not talk as often as they should but when they do, both have the feeling that they pick up right where they’ve left off.  No matter how far apart you are in your lives, you’ll never grow apart. 

There are toxic friends.  The one who is constantly one-upping you or putting you down to make herself feel better.  The one who only wants to talk about other people, or themselves, and never asks how you’re doing.  The complainer.  The basher.  The depressing “woe is me” life victim.  The jealous friend.  These are pretty easy to spot, but sometimes you get wrapped up in these friendships under the guise of having a new BFF, because these types of people always need someone like you around.  There comes a point, just like in a relationship, where you make the choice to cut ties.  And you don’t feel that you’re missing out on anything from doing so. They say “a friendship that can end never really began”.  I truly believe that. 

The friendships that are tricky are the transient ones.  The people who come in to your life fast and furious, becoming instant “BFF’s”.  Friends who, during a period in your life, you see all the time and call immediately when you need advice or a shoulder to cry on.  The hard thing is that sometimes, something changes, and these friends drift apart.  Maybe you have a disagreement over something silly that gets blown out of proportion.  Maybe you’re roommates and one of you moves in with a significant other.  Maybe you are in different life stages and marriage or a baby can come between you.  Maybe one of you gets a boyfriend that the other can’t stand, and it drives a wedge in the friendship.  Maybe a friend moves across the country to pursue their career goals.  Either way, maintaining healthy relationships in life is a struggle – it takes time and effort from both parties.  Sometimes you can’t point your finger on how things are different – they just are.  There’s a quote from the TV show Scrubs that I think of as I ponder the value of certain friendships. “I usually don’t like thinking about the future. I mean let’s face it; you can’t predict what’s going to happen. But sometimes, the thing you didn’t expect is what you really wanted after all. Maybe the best thing to do is stop trying to figure out where you’re going and just enjoy where you’re at.”    And you know deep in your heart who those people are.       

28 Years and a Lifetime of Lessons

In about an hour (once I'm done writing and posting this blog), I will be turning 28 years old.  I sometimes forget my real age because I still feel 22 years old.  Yes, there are only 6 years between those numbers.  However, the early, mid, and (dear God I'm in the late) twenties are huge growing years.  I've learned more about myself, others, and life in the past 6 years than I wanted to sometimes.  Some things never change, but then again, there is so much that does.  Birthdays make me reflective, so I thought I would post about some life lessons I've learned along the way (so far).

You will meet a lot of people over the course of your life.  These people will be of all socio-economic, geographic and racial backgrounds.  The one thread that runs through every human being is this - the yearning for and the ability to love.  Never under-estimate a person's capacity for love.  Especially your own.

Do not pass up an opportunity to get to know someone.  You never know who you might meet along the way.

You'll make new friends who will instantly become huge parts of your life.  You'll also lose friends that you thought would always be there.  Cherish the people who bring good to your life and show them you care.  Don't waste time on someone who wouldn't waste time on you.  (The same goes for relationships, but trust me, I realize this is much easier said than done, and much clearer in hindsight).  If you can even imagine your life might be better without someone in it, it probably will be.

You will look back on some of your past outfits, things you said and did, and ex-lovers and say to yourself "WHAT was I THINKING?!

Learn to laugh at yourself.  Laughing is good for you.  Allow yourself to let go and search for the good in every situation.  And if that fails, don't worry.  It will come.

You will know when you've met your match.  Maybe not right away, but as soon as that bond and connection is established, you'll just know.  And all of the heartbreak and tears from the past will finally feel worth it.  You will not have to question how that person feels about you, you won't have to "wait three days to call" after getting their number, you will just know.

That said, there are as many perfect relationships as perfect people.  Just because you've found your match doesn't mean he/she is perfect, and it doesn't make you suddenly perfect.  You will have issues.  You will fight.  You will doubt.  These are normal human interactions.  The one thing that should always bring you back is how much you love each other.  That love will always, always, always outweigh any insecurity or selfish notion.

Take good care of your body and your skin while you are young.  By the time you care, the damage is done.  That said, age.  Don't worry about aging, which inevitably causes more aging.  Guess what?  Crow's feet mean you smiled,  ALOT.

You may not know what you want to do with your life.  Ever.  You may wake up one day and have an "a ha" moment...you might never come to that realization.  They say that life is what happens while you are busy making other plans.  Live your life.

Never turn down an opportunity to travel, especially if you are young.  Don't let money be the excuse why you don't do it.  By the time you have the money, you'll be too busy with your job or raising a family.  Set off and go - you will not regret the things you see and the people you meet along the way.  You will always regret not doing it.

Don't let the assholes get you down.  They are an inevitable part of life.  They will be your coworkers or bosses, they will be on the other end of the phone working in customer service, and they will sit next to you on an airplane.  Learn how to tolerate them because they will always be there, waiting to cut the line in front of you at Starbucks.  Kill 'em with kindness.  It surprises people, especially if you live on the East Coast.

Spend as much time with kids and dogs as possible.  Their natural curiosity for everything will rub off on you.  Never stop learning.

If you are ever questioning doing something because it is a risk, DO IT.  Just like traveling, you will only regret it if you don't know the outcome because you didn't try in the first place.

Speaking of "try", know that when someone says "I'll try" they are already setting themselves up to fail.  Wipe this word out of your vocabulary.  DO.

Always strive to help others.  No matter where you are in life, chances are there is someone less fortunate than you.  Give what you can.  Hell, give more than you can.  You'll surprise yourself with what you're capable of.

Open yourself to the fact that every person has their own unique way of viewing the world.  People have their own opinions and ways of living.  It does not make your way wrong, but it doesn't always make their way right.  Trust your instincts and never compromise your beliefs.

Speaking of instincts, your first gut reaction is almost always the right one.

Be careful with passing and creating first impressions.  People are not always what they seem, and sometimes they are exactly what they seem.  Peel back the layers and see what you find.  

Work hard, and play harder.  Reward yourself.  As Marilyn Monroe once said, a career is great but it won't keep you warm at night.  Don't let the living part of life pass you by.

Accept the fact that you too will turn into that adult who tells stories to the younger generation about "walking 3 miles uphill both ways in a blizzard to get to school every day".  Kids these days really DO have it easier than you did.

Make a conscious effort every day not to take for granted your family.  This can include your biological family or the family that you've created for yourself in your friendships and support systems.  Life is short and time flies when you're having fun.  And then all of the sudden you are blindsided by loss.  There is no rewind button in life.  Make memories, hold those memories close, and share them with others.

There is a lesson to be learned through every struggle.  Find it and your hard times will become blessings.

And, my personal favorite mantra (as my "Spring Break 2010" tattoo can attest) - "Love the life you live.  Live the life you love."

  

A Change Would Do You Good

Circa 1996, Sheryl Crow was really on to something!  And no, I’m not talking about President Obama’s vision for America.  I’m talking about change, people.  Resolutions.  You know, the one you make every January 1^st- “I’m going to get in shape and lose 10 pounds!”  The diet that “starts on Monday” after you eat an entire small pizza in one sitting.  All of the exercise equipment you purchase and leave scattered around your living room, in your closets, underneath your bed, only to collect dust bunnies.  The reason that new memberships at my gym spike over 100% in January and attendance tapers off by Spring Break.  Most people, including myself, have made such a resolution.  I do it almost every year to no avail.  I don’t like working out.  I like junk food.  I love ranch dressing.  I also don’t like hearing “No” or “You can’t have…”.  However, this year, I made a commitment.  To myself and to my body.  I was going to get my groove back like Stella.

If you know me, you know I have a small build.  I’m short – at 5’1”, I weighed in at 137.5 pounds at my first weigh in in mid- January.  That may not sound like a lot to some people, or to some people that may sound surprising.  It’s about 15 pounds over where I’d like to be – average weight for my height is between 105-130 pounds.  It’s the most I have ever weighed.  In college, I never gained the dreaded Freshman Fifteen.  I don’t even think I gained the Freshman Five.  The biggest spike I saw in my weight was over the last two years.  I’m 28 years old, and a part of me really does believe that as you get older your metabolism slows.  Another part of me knows that I’ve made excuses over the last two years that I’m still hanging onto (saddlebags).  And at my sister’s suggestion to join a healthy lifestyle group led by a friend who is a registered dietician, I jumped at the chance to learn about healthy eating. 

Sure, my sharp incline in weight gain can be attributed to anti-anxiety medications and constant shifts in hormones from switching birth controls.  That’s my excuse, at least.  What’s yours?  In a country where 60 million adults and 9 million children are obese, everyone has one.  You don’t have time to work out?  At one point I was working two jobs – catering sales by day and waitress by night.  There are only 24 hours in a day, and some days I was working 18 hours.  Guess what - you have to make time, and you have to do it for you.  No one else will do it for you.  Maybe you are so busy you don’t have time to eat right, you have to grab and go, and cooking for only one person is hard.  Yes, it is.  Did I mention I work in catering?!  I’m surrounded by food all of the time.  The last thing I want to do after a 12 hour day is go work out or cook an elaborate meal.  The key to all of this is PLANNING.  Plan your workouts at the beginning of the week.  Write them in your schedule.  If your goal is to work out 3 times a week, write 5 or 6 workouts in to your schedule.  That way, even when you “miss” a few due to long nights at the office or a headache, you don’t have to feel bad because you are actually still meeting your goal.  Plan your meals the night before – stock up on solid “back up” meals that are easy and fast.  Lean Cuisines, frozen veggies, whole wheat pasta, whole wheat pizza dough, whole wheat English muffins – things you can eat in a pinch.  (Don’t even get me started on the whole wheat. J)   You get bored working out or hate the gym?  Jillian Michaels’ “30 Day Shred” DVD is an intense 20 minute workout using the 3-2-1 method (3 minutes of Strength training, 2 minutes of cardio, and one minute of abs) for 3 circuits.  I do it in the mornings, so that if I blow off my evening gym sesh at least I did something to burn calories and start my day off right.  Eating healthy is expensive and time consuming?  Yes, it can be.  It takes longer to navigate the stores when you are reading labels and making the best decisions for yourself.  The bills can seem to add up from buying fresh produce and stocking your pantry with “eating right” essentials.  But guess what?  It’s an investment, in yourself and in your health.  With the risks associated with being obese or overweight (heart disease, cancers, diabetes, hypertension, stroke) you decide what’s “cheaper”.  Maybe it’s easier for you to start a fad diet or pop a pill to lose your weight – that’s great, but what are you going to do, drink two shakes and eat one meal a day for the rest of your life?  You have got to make the commitment to changing your overall lifestyle so that you teach yourself how to stay healthy for good. 

Trust me, I say all of these things because I was that person making all of these excuses, and I still find myself doing it from time to time.  The key is finding what works best for you.  I have lost seven pounds just from simply eating according to the good old food pyramid and limiting added fats like dressings, fried food, and sweets.  Don’t get me wrong, I’ve eaten a few Samoas since Girl Scout cookie season arrived.  But I’m willing to do the work in my workouts and forgoe the glass of wine that night to have ONE cookie, maybe two.  Learn how to say NO to yourself!  You will feel so much better when you do.  Then you know that “treat” is a reward for all of your hard work.  And think about how far you could go if you forgo the treat?!  It’s an addictive cycle as you start to feel better about yourself.  You start to appreciate food, not turn to it in times of emotional distress.  You look forward to your snacks and meals.  The most important thing in making this change is that you teach yourself how to eat for nutrition.  How to balance out proteins and carbs, how to work in those pesky fruits and veggies.  How to read labels and beware of sugar and the different kinds of fats.  Ideally, you should be eating every 3 hours.  If you are hungry when you wake up in the morning, your metabolism is in full gear.  Drink two glasses of water with each meal, as well as one each time you brush your teeth – an easy way to get your recommended eight glasses a day.  All of these tips from me, a beginner.  I’m just starting out!  I’ve got five more pounds to go to my original goal and then who knows, maybe five more after that.  I’m happy to be building a lifestyle that I can stick with for the rest of my life.  Now, who’s with me?

Your "Love" is my Drug: Living with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

This is a very personal post.  Why would I choose to post this on a forum that could be read by friends, people who don't know me that well, my family, and coworkers?  Honestly, not only is it a good form of therapy and shows that I am taking ownership of my condition, but it also gives me an opportunity to speak to you, my family, my friends, my acquaintances, and share knowledge that you may be able to apply to your own lives, or to help someone else in a similar situation.  Or maybe it will help you to understand me more.  Either way, I hope it means something to you that I have chosen to share such a personal part of my life.  If you're not up for it, stop reading now.

Great...you're still reading!  I will not spend much time focusing on the bad and the ugly – that is what actual therapy is for :).  Instead a little background to get us through to the good.  Suffice to say that I was in a very unhealthy relationship during college, which is such an important developmental time in a young person's life.  You are learning who you are as a person and what you want to become.  This time of my life was severely impaired by being involved with someone who enjoyed pointing out who and what I wasn’t, and the things I would never become.  I was bound to a person that I was terrified of being with, but even more scared to be without, if that's possible.  What would I be without him?  Who would ever love someone like me?  The cycle and process of manipulation and mind control is subtle at first, until it spirals into physical violence and complete control.  You are broken down to a point where you can't leave the person you're with.  You don't possess the inner strength, the self esteem - hell, sometimes you don't even want to leave.  You don't know what you want.  You haven't been allowed an opinion for so long the idea is foreign to you.  I count my blessings every day that I wake up for the Divine intervention (an overseas deployment) that made it that much easier for me to remove myself from such a dangerous situation.  Most women in similar situations are not as lucky.  They end up being stories on CNN.com that people like you and I read while we’re zoning out at work and sipping our morning latte.

I see the patterns and effects of abuse all around me – in my favorite TV shows, the newspaper, even in people I know.  It makes me physically ill to watch Ronnie and Sammy interact on my favorite TV show, Jersey Shore.  Ronnie is a master manipulator and extremely aggressive and abusive.  I hear things people say in passing about things their significant others have said or done.  A local girl named Yeardley Love died last year just a few weeks away from her college graduation from UVA, allegedly at the hands of an ex-boyfriend.  This story hit me particularly hard.  That girl, literally, could have been me.  And it’s not just male on female abuse – females possess the ability to be verbally and physically abusive as well.  But sometimes words are more powerful weapons than fists, and leave scars that never truly heal on their own.      

If you know me now, you would find it extremely hard to believe that I was ever in a situation like that.  I am driven, confident, attractive, independent, loving, caring and have a thriving social life.  I have a long-term boyfriend who has seen me through more than most people know or realize.  We have an extremely functional relationship in spite of my past, and he is by far the best friend I've ever had.  Unfortunately, the effects of that period of time still haunt me daily.  Self esteem issues, doubts, trust issues, jealousy, panic attacks, anxiety, depression, medication, weight gain, stress related medical issues, adrenaline addiction (yes, we’ll talk about this), PTSD; all of these things are part of my daily struggle.

Post traumatic stress disorder is a severe anxiety disorder resulting from a psychological or physiological trauma, or both.  Most people hear this term and think of war veterans and victims of extreme atrocity, and yes, most likely they have PTSD.  There are no degrees of PTSD - you either have it or you don't.  How it's manifested and how deeply it affects your life can vary.  In my case, my collage-aged brain was constantly producing adrenaline to deal with the “fight or flight” situations occurring.  This creates a pattern in your brain which will eventually continue to over-produce adrenaline, causing physical symptoms such as jumpiness, sweating, shaking, elevated heart rate, etc., even when you are not in danger.  Adrenaline is designed to help you get through a situation where you are in danger – to push you to run faster from danger, to act quicker, to save your life.  It is not something that you are supposed to have coursing through your veins as you sit watching a movie with your boyfriend on a Thursday night, or are at your favorite clothing store shopping on a Saturday afternoon.  I have developed an addiction to adrenalin, and only feel normal in states of chaos.  It has ruined friendships and strained relationships.  Fight picking is very common.  I am what is called an “Accomplisher” – I constantly create things I have to do and keep myself busy so that I can receive that rush release of chemicals from the stress and being able to “check things off the list”.  Even in my job, which I am great at, I am very often expected to act quickly in times of extreme stress and chaos, and I thrive in it.  I quit working a second job to create more “free time” – now I’ve filled it with blogs I have to write, errands I have to run, books I have to read, projects I have to finish.  I also like “rushes” in the physical sense – getting tattoos, jumping out of planes, cliff diving – you name a dare and I’m most likely to do it.

PTSD and its accompanying anxiety are not somebody “not being normal”, “needing to chill out” or “relax” – it is a physiological response to something that has been hard wired into the person’s brain over the course of their lifetime’s experiences.  The brain is an amazing thing.  I want to talk very openly about my anxiety because I want people to understand what it is like to be on your way into work and all of the sudden just be taken over by fear – not being able to breathe, chest pains, paralyzed muscles, for no explainable reason.  I’ve had people tell me after having their first panic attack or anxiety attack “Oh my God, is that what it feels like for you?”  The answer is yes, all the time.

So, on to the good - my life.  I love life, and I live with love.  I am working on ways to channel my stress – getting in shape and working out has been huge for me – what an awesome release for all of that energy!  I have a job that keeps me busy.  I’m trying to volunteer as much as I can, to not only give back to the community but to put something worthwhile on that “to do list”.  I want to start hiking once a month with my boyfriend, enjoying being outdoors, seeing Virginia, and getting in shape; I’m exploring my spiritual options and practices as well.  I’ve benefited from crisis management training and counseling.

What would I like you to take away from reading this?  First, in a case of potential abuse, act on red flags.  If your gut says something is wrong, in your own life or someone else’s, it probably is.  Don’t be afraid to do something about it.  Educate yourself on your options.  Offer help and support.  You and the person you're helping will be thankful you did.

If you have someone in your life who suffers from PTSD, anxiety, or depression, be supportive.  How do you do this?  Most of all, don’t be judgmental.  Just because you don’t feel fear or anxiety in a certain situation does not give you the right to tell someone there is nothing to be afraid of.  Your struggle is your own private struggle, but so is everyone else’s.  There is no way for any of us to know what people are dealing with on the inside.  It is counterproductive when someone tells you to relax, take it easy, just don’t worry about it, or tries to point out your fears are illogical - it makes you feel even more anxiety!  PTSD driven anxiety isn’t logical – it is the physical after effect of something long ago.  Don't say cliches like “Don’t sweat the small stuff” – it may be small stuff to you, but for different reasons it may cause extreme stress for someone like me.  Ask what I'm feeling, what I need to feel better, or if there's anything you can do.  Or, don't say anything.  Just be there.  

If you suffer from anxiety, depression, or PTSD, put in the work to figure out where the issues stem from and take steps, every second of every day, to make it better.  It is hard work, but don't let it beat you.  Life is truly too short to be anything but happy.  You will have your ups and downs, but hang in there.  If you slow down and look closely enough, you can find beauty in just about everything around you.  You're not alone.

I am blessed to have the most amazing, caring, supportive and understanding boyfriend in my life.  I mention him first because he shares the bulk of my burden.  He's there during sleepless nights providing comfort and kind words.  He's occasionally the subject of my illogical fears and reactions.  He is the reason that I've taken all of the steps I have in healing.  We have so much to look forward to in our life together.

I am also blessed to have the most amazing friends.  Friends I've known since I was 8 years old and friends I met last year.  You know who you are and you all know how much you mean to me.

They say that "living well is the best revenge".  And I am.